Lu Tahu Tak?

"Welcome to Celebrity Fitness Subang Jaya." We were greeted with friendly smiles by the staff there. I must admit, the place looked pretty impressive. The equipments had that expensive and sophisticated aura and the ladies with tight pants busting their ass on those machinese would tempt any young, horny men to join the fitness center. Of course, mostly the ladies there were about late twenties to fourties. Not forgetting, rich, bitchy and vain middle aged ladies were one of the main customers there.

"SIGN UP now for only RM 149 per month. You can use the facilities and join the classes here as often as you like. Our trainers are mostly international instructors. Mainly from Brazil, India, and etc. Would you want to join? When would you like to join? Can you join now? SIGN UP SIGN UP SIGN UP!" The consultant inchaged of me practically breath down my neck while shoving the sign up paper at me so that I can contribute erm, 10% extra cash to her daily salary.

"Sorry, but I have to ask my parents first. But I would love to try the 7 Day trial to find out if this fitness center accomodate to my needs."

After she checks my IC. "I’m sorry. I can’t issue you the 7-day trial because you’re below 20
years old. But you can sign up now, and you can use the facilities
anytime."

"How can I sign up when I can’t try any of the facilities here?  You’re definitely gonna lose your prospective customers if you don’t allow them to try just because they’re below 20" I told her that in her face.

" My manager won’t issue the trial pass because you’re underage. But if you sign up now, you can come in anytime."

"In that case, I doubt I will join this fitness center."

"How about you try it for today only. I’ll close one eye and you can use it for today only. After that, you can look for me to sign up for this fitness center. You should join now because existing members only have to pay promotional fees. As we will be expanding soon, our fees will increase. Therefore, you should take the opportunity to join now."

"Thank you. I’ll think about it first."

"I’ll measure your height and weight now."

I was 46.7kg and 154 cm tall. Apparently, I have 15.8% body fat in my body.

" You should exercise more often. Join our classes and you can lose the fats in your body."

Marketing strategy.
Lesson #1 - Tell your customers that they’re fat so that they will be paranoid enough to join your fitness center instantly.

Lesson #2 - Simply calculate the body fat percentage to be slightly above average.

Lesson #3 - Convince them to exercise.

Lesson #4 - Introduce the classes offered in the fitness center and tell them that they can lose weight if they join the classes.

Lesson #5 - Look at them with sympathy and tell them, our fitness center will help you to look more beautiful and confident.

Lesson #6 - Simply shoot an overly priced fees and tell them you’re offering them a discount now for limited time.

At the end of the day, 80% of your customers would probably end up as members there.

That was what I went through for 1 hour. And finally, we managed to get away from that irritating lady. Zi Ling and I wanted to go for the cycling class but because of the lady, we only went in halfway. It was under a Brazilian instructor. He has the buffiest body ever but he’s freaking short. Not that cute as he looks in the dark though =P. We quickly got on to our bikes and ATTEMPT to follow the class. We were suppose to cycle according to the beat of the music and listen to his instructions. I couldn’t understand a single word he said. On top of that, my privates were aching because of the constant friction caused on it. It was definitely a very uncomfortable session. All we did was cycle faster, cycle slower, cycle fast again, slow again, fast, slow, fast and slow for half an hour. No doubt, I was drenched at the end of the session. But it wasn’t a really fun thing to do because what can else can you do with the bike besides cycling? Even though accompanied by music, it was still a bore. Apparently, you can burn 900 calories after one session. Hm, I think we only lost half of it then since we only joined halfway. We met the instructor after the class. He was really friendly and helpful, if you can understand what he was trying to say =P

After the cycling class, we went for the fun step class. Before that, they were having belly dancing. Gosh, looking at the ladies trying to shake their belly wasn’t a very nice sight. They wore some belt with bells so that each time they shake, it makes that tingle-ling sounds. I’ll spare the details about those ladies because I don’t wanna sound bitchy over here =P

We joined the class after the belly dancing one. It was called Fun-Step Class. Trust me, it’s not that fun. We have to use the step thingie and suppose to combine some aerobic and dance moves with it. It’s all about the coordination of your legs and brain. After joining this fun step class which was not that fun, I discovered that my coordinations are waaaaaaaaaaay off! Maybe it won’t be that bad after a few classes though. There were several old ladies who were quite pro at it. Me and Zi Ling couldn’t help feeling like mini dinosaurs trying to do the aerobic. At the end of the class, the instructor told us, don’t worry, you will get it after a few classes with me. I was tempted to ask, "Private classes you mean?" Har Har Har.

After our Fun Step class, both of us were so exhausted. Then we decide to go for steam bath before showering. When we walked into the locker room, we were greeted by a mirror which the image on it was bad enough to make anyone puke!We saw.. a DIMPLED, Saggy and Ugly ASS. That lady was only in her THONG and BRA and her ass was facing the mirror which was facing us. Eurrgh! It was totally gross!The lady didn’t realised we were staring (one can’t help staring if that something is either very nice or ugly) In this case, it was the latter that attracted us =P After a while, I think she noticed that her butt was greeting every human that entered the locker room that she quickly covered it with a towel.

We only had 1 big towel and 1 small towel because I was not allowed to take a towel as I was UNDERAGE. So we had to go into the steam bath room with our gym outfits. Butt Exposed lady was with her friends in the wet sauna as well. When we went in, she bitchingly said, "Why are they wearing clothes? I thought not suppose to" I wanted to tell her every single detail about her arse and how thongs DO NOT COMPLIMENT her arse but well, nobody wants to make an enemy and so I shut up. It was pretty comfy in the wet sauna compared to the dry sauna. It’s easier to breath inside there. Not only that, your hair will feel soft because it’s the same concept of doing hair treatment.
After our wonderful steam bath, we took turns to shower because we only had 1 towel.

My day at the Celebrity Fitness finally ended. Actually, I wouldn’t mind joining if I was staying around that area. They provide lotsa interesting classes. Latino dance, body combat, belly dancing, MTV dance, and etc. Exercising can be very fun.. and also Expensive. Nevertheless, it’s not harm having less fats in your body. So, what are you waiting for.. Join the nearest fitness center to your house, so they can suck you dry; money and fats =P

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