Lu Tahu Tak?

New theft technique

Just received this latest theft technique used by robbers.It seems feasible so take heed.

Warning for all the ladies out there; and men please inform yoursignificant other. (And, hey, it could happen to the guys!)

The Latest Scam: Robbing Females using the restroom/"ladies"/bathroomat a Shopping Mall... .....

The way the scam works is, a man slips into a women's rest room andsneaks into a unit. He waits until there is only one woman in the restroomina neighbouring unit/stall.

The criminal then stands on the toilet seat and points a hand gun intothe next unit/stall, demanding the woman's valuables. After getting hercash and jewellery, he demands that she remove all of her clothing and kickthem out of the unit/stall. The thief tosses the clothing into ashopping bag, hangs an "out of order sign" on the restroom door outside,andslips back into the mall. The "out of order sign" ensures no one will sooncome to the woman's rescue. It usually takes an hour or two for the womantowork up the nerve to leave the rest room in the nude, giving thecriminal ample time to make his get away. The woman is left nakedhumiliated ina mall full of strangers.

The best defence, say police, is to never go into a shopping mallrestroom alone, as only women who are by themselves are targeted.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW.

This has so far been a nearly perfect crime, asnone of the perpetrators have been caught.

Don't let this happen to another woman.

"Welcome to Celebrity Fitness Subang Jaya." We were greeted with friendly smiles by the staff there. I must admit, the place looked pretty impressive. The equipments had that expensive and sophisticated aura and the ladies with tight pants busting their ass on those machinese would tempt any young, horny men to join the fitness center. Of course, mostly the ladies there were about late twenties to fourties. Not forgetting, rich, bitchy and vain middle aged ladies were one of the main customers there.

"SIGN UP now for only RM 149 per month. You can use the facilities and join the classes here as often as you like. Our trainers are mostly international instructors. Mainly from Brazil, India, and etc. Would you want to join? When would you like to join? Can you join now? SIGN UP SIGN UP SIGN UP!" The consultant inchaged of me practically breath down my neck while shoving the sign up paper at me so that I can contribute erm, 10% extra cash to her daily salary.

"Sorry, but I have to ask my parents first. But I would love to try the 7 Day trial to find out if this fitness center accomodate to my needs."

After she checks my IC. "I’m sorry. I can’t issue you the 7-day trial because you’re below 20
years old. But you can sign up now, and you can use the facilities
anytime."

"How can I sign up when I can’t try any of the facilities here?  You’re definitely gonna lose your prospective customers if you don’t allow them to try just because they’re below 20" I told her that in her face.

" My manager won’t issue the trial pass because you’re underage. But if you sign up now, you can come in anytime."

"In that case, I doubt I will join this fitness center."

"How about you try it for today only. I’ll close one eye and you can use it for today only. After that, you can look for me to sign up for this fitness center. You should join now because existing members only have to pay promotional fees. As we will be expanding soon, our fees will increase. Therefore, you should take the opportunity to join now."

"Thank you. I’ll think about it first."

"I’ll measure your height and weight now."

I was 46.7kg and 154 cm tall. Apparently, I have 15.8% body fat in my body.

" You should exercise more often. Join our classes and you can lose the fats in your body."

Marketing strategy.
Lesson #1 - Tell your customers that they’re fat so that they will be paranoid enough to join your fitness center instantly.

Lesson #2 - Simply calculate the body fat percentage to be slightly above average.

Lesson #3 - Convince them to exercise.

Lesson #4 - Introduce the classes offered in the fitness center and tell them that they can lose weight if they join the classes.

Lesson #5 - Look at them with sympathy and tell them, our fitness center will help you to look more beautiful and confident.

Lesson #6 - Simply shoot an overly priced fees and tell them you’re offering them a discount now for limited time.

At the end of the day, 80% of your customers would probably end up as members there.

That was what I went through for 1 hour. And finally, we managed to get away from that irritating lady. Zi Ling and I wanted to go for the cycling class but because of the lady, we only went in halfway. It was under a Brazilian instructor. He has the buffiest body ever but he’s freaking short. Not that cute as he looks in the dark though =P. We quickly got on to our bikes and ATTEMPT to follow the class. We were suppose to cycle according to the beat of the music and listen to his instructions. I couldn’t understand a single word he said. On top of that, my privates were aching because of the constant friction caused on it. It was definitely a very uncomfortable session. All we did was cycle faster, cycle slower, cycle fast again, slow again, fast, slow, fast and slow for half an hour. No doubt, I was drenched at the end of the session. But it wasn’t a really fun thing to do because what can else can you do with the bike besides cycling? Even though accompanied by music, it was still a bore. Apparently, you can burn 900 calories after one session. Hm, I think we only lost half of it then since we only joined halfway. We met the instructor after the class. He was really friendly and helpful, if you can understand what he was trying to say =P

After the cycling class, we went for the fun step class. Before that, they were having belly dancing. Gosh, looking at the ladies trying to shake their belly wasn’t a very nice sight. They wore some belt with bells so that each time they shake, it makes that tingle-ling sounds. I’ll spare the details about those ladies because I don’t wanna sound bitchy over here =P

We joined the class after the belly dancing one. It was called Fun-Step Class. Trust me, it’s not that fun. We have to use the step thingie and suppose to combine some aerobic and dance moves with it. It’s all about the coordination of your legs and brain. After joining this fun step class which was not that fun, I discovered that my coordinations are waaaaaaaaaaay off! Maybe it won’t be that bad after a few classes though. There were several old ladies who were quite pro at it. Me and Zi Ling couldn’t help feeling like mini dinosaurs trying to do the aerobic. At the end of the class, the instructor told us, don’t worry, you will get it after a few classes with me. I was tempted to ask, "Private classes you mean?" Har Har Har.

After our Fun Step class, both of us were so exhausted. Then we decide to go for steam bath before showering. When we walked into the locker room, we were greeted by a mirror which the image on it was bad enough to make anyone puke!We saw.. a DIMPLED, Saggy and Ugly ASS. That lady was only in her THONG and BRA and her ass was facing the mirror which was facing us. Eurrgh! It was totally gross!The lady didn’t realised we were staring (one can’t help staring if that something is either very nice or ugly) In this case, it was the latter that attracted us =P After a while, I think she noticed that her butt was greeting every human that entered the locker room that she quickly covered it with a towel.

We only had 1 big towel and 1 small towel because I was not allowed to take a towel as I was UNDERAGE. So we had to go into the steam bath room with our gym outfits. Butt Exposed lady was with her friends in the wet sauna as well. When we went in, she bitchingly said, "Why are they wearing clothes? I thought not suppose to" I wanted to tell her every single detail about her arse and how thongs DO NOT COMPLIMENT her arse but well, nobody wants to make an enemy and so I shut up. It was pretty comfy in the wet sauna compared to the dry sauna. It’s easier to breath inside there. Not only that, your hair will feel soft because it’s the same concept of doing hair treatment.
After our wonderful steam bath, we took turns to shower because we only had 1 towel.

My day at the Celebrity Fitness finally ended. Actually, I wouldn’t mind joining if I was staying around that area. They provide lotsa interesting classes. Latino dance, body combat, belly dancing, MTV dance, and etc. Exercising can be very fun.. and also Expensive. Nevertheless, it’s not harm having less fats in your body. So, what are you waiting for.. Join the nearest fitness center to your house, so they can suck you dry; money and fats =P

These criminals (or should I say, Criminals Wannabes) should buy How To Commit Crime For Dummies before attempting one.
Cheers.

Tennessee:

A man successfully broke into a bank after hours
and stole the bank’s video camera. While it was
recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape
recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he
didn’t get the videotape of himself stealing the
camera.)

Louisiana:

A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled out a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a
gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?

New Jersey:

A Newark woman reporting her car as stolen
mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The
policeman taking the report called the phone and
told the guy that answered that he had read the ad
in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They
arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Arkansas:

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block
bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The
whole event was caught on videotape.

New York:

As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a
man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called
911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
the police a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police had apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told, "Stand there for a positive ID." To
this instruction the man replied, "Yes Officer, that’s
her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from."

Washington:

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got
much more than he had bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up
next to a motorhome near spilled sewage. A police
spokesperson said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the
motorhome’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner
of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

Michigan:

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan, at 7:50 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down
because he said he couldn’t open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Kentucky:

Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel
off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove
home–. with the chain still attached to the
machine– with their bumper still attached to the
chain– with their vehicle’s license plate still
attached to the bumper.

These criminals (or should I say, Criminals Wannabes) should buy How To Commit Crime For Dummies before attempting one.
Cheers.

Tennessee:

A man successfully broke into a bank after hours
and stole the bank’s video camera. While it was
recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape
recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he
didn’t get the videotape of himself stealing the
camera.)

Louisiana:

A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled out a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a
gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?

New Jersey:

A Newark woman reporting her car as stolen
mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The
policeman taking the report called the phone and
told the guy that answered that he had read the ad
in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They
arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Arkansas:

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block
bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The
whole event was caught on videotape.

New York:

As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a
man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called
911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
the police a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police had apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told, "Stand there for a positive ID." To
this instruction the man replied, "Yes Officer, that’s
her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from."

Washington:

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got
much more than he had bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up
next to a motorhome near spilled sewage. A police
spokesperson said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the
motorhome’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner
of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

Michigan:

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan, at 7:50 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down
because he said he couldn’t open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Kentucky:

Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel
off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove
home–. with the chain still attached to the
machine– with their bumper still attached to the
chain– with their vehicle’s license plate still
attached to the bumper.

"Lu tahu saya Siapa r?!" Fat Man on kap chai motorbike demands.
"Saya tak tau bang, saya tak tau.. " Calvin said with upmost *award winning* acting of fear.
"Pergi Balai sekarang" Fat Man franctically points at the police station nearby.
"Sorry bang.. sorry" Calvin repeats for the gazillionth time..

This scene lasted about 5 mins at the traffic light.

It all started when I was in the car sleeping and suddenly I heard Calvin talking to a really angry man. Initially I thought Calvin was stopped by a police and when I opened my eyes, I saw a fat Malay guy on a motorbike shouting and waving his arms like an angry Chicken. According to Fat Man, Calvin almost killed him on the road. I didn’t managed to see the incident he claimed that almost took his life but I was certainly irritated by the way he speaks. Calvin was certainly patient when dealing with this man.

Apparently, the Fat Man was in the middle of two lanes. Unsure of where he was going, he was riding his bike like a man who just got tipsy after a few drinks. Calvin, as another person on the road wouldn’t certainly slow down the traffic behind, decides to overtake the man and lifted his hand to apologise. Unexpected of Calvin’s car, Fat Man was shocked and decided to chase Calvin. Caught him up at the traffic light and yeah, started blasting his head off. Seemingly, he thought Calvin was scolding him when he lifted his hand to apologise and he takes the opportunity to show who is the BIG BOSS. I was really amazed how Calvin handled the situation. He was really patient with the man, (never was when we argue tho =P) He kept apologizing and Fat Man kept showing his blunt fangs. I was already pretty annoyed and thank goodness that I wasn’t feeling too good so I kept my mouth shut through the whole argument. Luckily, traffic started moving and we had to move if we didn’t wanna create another road problem. Fat Man was still blasting but he too had no choice but to move on. End of Story.

If it was me in Calvin’s place, I would :
#1 - Drive off and let him chase with his kap chai motor knowing that I can drive faster than him. If there was a traffic light and he stops next to me, blast the music as loud as possible and ignore his presence. I can’t hear anything can I?

#2 - Winds down the window and ask what’s the problem. He says that I almost killed him. Answer him cooly saying that he does not own the road and riding his bike in between two lanes not sure of where is he going is not gonna make him the safest person on the road.

#3 - If he thinks that the whole world should know who he was (refer to conversation above), I would retaliate by asking for his I/C so that I’ll know who he is. I’m not telepathic ya know.

#4 - If he demands to go to the police station, let’s go! If he’s willing to pay RM 300 for it, fine by me because I believe I’m not wrong in this matter.

#5 - Stop somewhere by the roadside and argue. See who can last longer screaming at each other.

#6 - Do a Calvin if Fat Man was a police, notorious looking guy who is capable of violence, or a drunkard.

You would probably think I’m nuts if I’ve done option #1- #5. The chances of being whacked up or kidnapped will be higher and that’s why there’s an option #6 =P. But then again, I have a temper and I live by the policy that NOBODY CAN BULLY ME just because I’m a FEMALE! So Girl Power’ish here but well, can’t help it that there’s a feminist side of me =P

Anyway, do drop some comments and tell me what would you do if you’re in Calvin’s place.

I came across these jokes in the Friendster Bulletin. Despite the fact that I am truly a WO-Man.. These jokes certainly cracks one up =P

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of
chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic
waste.

-by David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.

- by Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two
sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but
still they stay together.

-by Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll
be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a
philosopher.

-by Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents
us from achieving them.

-by Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to
answer… is, "What does a woman want?

-by Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some
paragraphs with me.

-by Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant two times a
week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

-by Henry Youngman

"I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two
years."

-by Sam Kinison

"There’s a way of transferring funds that is even
faster than electronic banking. It’s called
marriage."

-by James Holt McGavran

"I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one
left me and the second one didn’t."

-by Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1.
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever
you’re right, shut up.

-by Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s
birthday is to forget it once…

-by Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I
wanted to.

-by Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then
we met.

-by Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when
she’s wrong.

-by Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the
enemy.

-by Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: "Wife
wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."

-by Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife’s an angel!" Second
Guy "You’re lucky, mine’s still alive."

Eg 1:     I had a BAD DAY! That BITCH STOLE my BOYFRIEND! I HATE her! She’s such a bla bla bla..

Eg 2 :    Today, my friend just told me a total juicy secret! I’m so gonna write in my blog so
            everybody would know about it!

Eg 3:     Help, I’m in a dilemma. Should I buy a $300 jeans from TopShop or should I just save up    

            and buy a CK Jeans.. People! I need your opinions!

What is Blogging? According to the dictionary, blogging is defined as a shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies. In other words, it is like writing a diary, but allowing the whole world to read it.

The examples above are entries from blogs that I’ve came across before.
Each entry is unique and basically, describes a person’s personality
and character. But why should a person blog? What are the purposes of blogging?

A friend of mine once told me, people blog because they want to bitch about someone and they hope that someone will find out about it. Secondly, people blog because they have no one to talk to, so they pen their thoughts online where strangers or perhaps friends may respond. Thirdly, people blog because they want to write about things that were significant in their daily lives. Likewise, some peoople blog because they just simply love to write.

Why do I blog then? It’s definitely not about bitching about people though that can be very tempting at time =) I start this blog because I’m currently jobless and I have no purpose in life besides waiting for my offer letter. So I think to myself, why don’t I start a blog to fill up my time? Besides that, I can practise my written English while I’m at it. At least when I go to university, I would still know how to spell =P

I’ve read some of my friend’s blogs and wow, I’m really amazed that how one can know a person better through blogging. He/She may look quiet and reserve on the outside, but in his/her blog site, he/she is a totally different person. Perhaps, blogging allows one to talk his mind without fearing how other people respond to it. Some people are afraid to communicate with other people face to face. And blogging is a form of communication between a living creature (Human) and a non living thing (Computer) and therefore, permits one not to fear of being laughed in the face.

Honestly speaking, I’m not quite ready to spill every gut in my body in this blog. I’m still uncomfortable about letting other people know about my secrets a.k.a bitching =P I’ll still stick to the old conventional way. Which means, talking to my best friends and close buddies. What you’ll be expecting in this blog would be possibly controversial  issues, significant events that I’ve come across or just daily rantings of mine.

If you find the content posted in my blog interest you or maybe offensive, do drop comments so I can hear about your opinion too!

-mQ-